Today I want to start.
Yesterday I wanted to start too.
And the day before that I definitely wanted to start!
But sadly I did not.
But today I am determined.
Sitting at our kitchen table, window open, Spring trees a bloom, listening to the birds chirp loudly, with just 35 minutes before I have to walk back to work...
I have decided to at . . .
A Deconstruction of Time
Time is not a race.
It's not even a thing.
In fact it's a completely made up, fabricated entity brought into materialization for the soul purpose of differentiating a moment.
It's mans way of making sense of our existence. Our need for structure, for walls, for different compartments, for boxes. Because without structure what are . . .
Laying my mind to rest
I just want to let go.
Free my mind.
Take life by the horns again... I am a Taurus after all!
Let myself play and experiment.
Write because it makes me feel good. Allow my thoughts an escape, my words to be seen. Even if they make no sense to someone else. Even if they benefit only me.
I want to release myself from the shackles of . . .
I may not be impressive.
I may not have done anything noteworthy with my life, thus far.
I may never have been that girl who raised her hand in school, or volunteered to be a project leader, or team captain.
I may never have been that girl who got A's in every class, who listened and contributed to each and every topic of conversation, . . .
I lie on this twin bed.
Now my marital bed, once my sister-in-law's... who is now 32.
Hundreds of fluffy white clouds parade the blue wallpapered walls.
Teenage posters and album covers, faces of the famous, hang before me. Some sag and buckle with the weariness of time. Smears of blue tack streak from their corners.
A dejected pine . . .
Today I am practicing,
Throw at me all you got.
Belittle my quirks. Undermine my abilities. Tread on my polite demeanor and quiet disposition. Even scoff my logic.
It wont change anything.
My worth is still my worth. It is not measured by your judgement.
So please, go ahead...
I'm stronger than you think.
In your darkest hour.
When hope is illusive and dreams unreachable. When your window to the world is tear smeared and everything you do ends in vein.
Pull down the shutter. Shut out the world.
Rest with your internal rhythm. Be with your pain. Ride your wave of consciousness and be present without resistance.
Live that moment . . .